


Caleb: The Birds and The Bees

by robotictia4



Series: TW Next Gen MFIY AU [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Family, Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 15:59:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10494411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robotictia4/pseuds/robotictia4
Summary: Stiles and Derek's son has a question and naturally chaos ensues in the Hale household.This is set in the AU of my story 'My Future is Yours' and I don't think you need to have read that to get this, but it might be helpful.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So...it's been a while.
> 
> I've been very busy and I haven't had a lot of inspiration for this universe apart from like stray ideas in the spare time I do have, most of my writing time has been on my own stories and not fanfiction but I do plan on making more of these and uploading for those of you who still want to see it.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Caleb was nine years old when he asked about how babies were made.

And Derek was not happy about it.

Derek and Stiles had made an agreement, sometime after Jocelyn was born, that because Stiles could at least relate to the pregnancy part of the female reproductive system, Stiles would handle the ‘birds and the bees’ talk with their daughters. Derek only had to teach Caleb.

By all means, Caleb should’ve been the easiest to teach. He was the only boy, so Derek didn’t have to worry about the awkward difference in anatomy that Stiles had to deal with, with the girls. Caleb was also the most like Derek.

It was precisely this reason that made talking about it so difficult.

Derek, Caleb, Stiles, Scarlett and Jocelyn had all been sitting at the table, eating dinner, when Caleb had asked, in his quiet little voice, where babies came from.

Everyone froze and stared at him except for seven-year-old Jocelyn, who seemed to not have even heard her brother speak.

Scarlett already knew all about ‘the birds and the bees’ after having had an unfortunate accident occur a few years ago, in which she had run, screaming, from Stiles and Derek’s room and Stiles had been forced to tell her all about it and answer all her questions.

Being Stiles’ daughter, Scarlett had a lot of questions.

So, Derek had sat Caleb down and sat across from him, staring across the space at his son. Caleb returned the gesture with a stare of his own. Neither of them spoke, though Derek sometimes shifted in his seat, running a hand down his face and trying to decide where to start.

It didn’t help that Stiles and Scarlett were having a running commentary.

“How long until you think he spontaneously combusts?” Stiles asked. Scarlett tilted her head.

“I don’t know. Papa’s pretty red,” she said.

“I give it ten minutes, tops.”

Scarlett rolled her eyes.

“I bet it won’t take half as long.”

Stiles laughed.

“I’ll take you up on that bet, little lady.”

Derek heaved a great sigh.

“Stiles, if you could take care not to start our ten-year-old on gambling, that’d be fantastic.” Stiles and Scarlett shared a look, so similar in appearance that if Derek hadn’t known better, he could have sworn Scarlett was Stiles’ miniature twin.

“If you’d rather _I_ give him the talk…” Scarlett suggested.

“No,” Stiles and Derek said firmly in unison. She pouted.

“Why not? It’s all the same thing, pretty much. You just have to tell him more about the boy stuff.” Scarlett wrinkled her nose.

“Caleb needs honest answers and all you would do is say things to scare him.”

“If he doesn’t understand that everything I say is served with a healthy dose of sarcasm, that’s his fault.”

Derek glared at the two troublemakers.

“Neither of you are helping,” he said, noticing the tips of Caleb’s ears turning red from the embarrassment that came from having an older sister like Scarlett.

Scarlett suddenly straightened and snapped her fingers, as if she’d just gotten the best idea in the world.

Knowing Scarlett, it was probably a terrible idea.

“Why don’t I call Jamie? I think Uncle Scott gave him ‘the talk’ and he can help Papa. And if he hasn’t then he can learn a thing or two.”

Suddenly, a sly grin slid onto her face.

“And I can spend the rest of our lives teasing him about it.”

Stiles, Derek and Caleb all stared at her.

“I’m taking the silence as a yes.”

“No,” the other three said together.

Scarlett deflated and pouted.

“Ugh, fine. Can you get on with it already then, Papa? I’m bored.”

Derek exhaled in exasperation.

“Scarlett, this isn’t something that’s supposed to entertain you. In fact, I don’t even know why you’re in here. Why don’t you go play with Jocelyn?”

Scarlett wrinkled her nose.

“Joss will just make me play dolls with her again. I’m so _sick_ of Barbie. I never even get to play with her. I’m always the little sister or something.”

Stiles shook his head.

“So ask to play with your Batman figurines or something. Joss likes Batman.”

Scarlett groaned, but headed off in the direction of the stairs to find her little sister, grumbling about parents ruining her fun, and something about Jamie and Scott.

Stiles turned back to Derek and Caleb, who’d gone back to staring at each other.

“Hey Caleb, why don’t you ask a question?”

Caleb blinked at him, and the look on his face told Stiles that his son thought he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.

“I did. Where do babies come from?”

Stiles internally screamed. Between Caleb and Scarlett, Stiles and Derek would have no sanity left for poor Jocelyn.

“Derek. You can handle this.”

Stiles grinned at the scowl Derek sent his way, and blew him a kiss.

Derek turned back to their son.

“So…when…a man and a woman…”

“But you and Dad are both boys.”

Derek’s forehead scrunched up.

“Yes, but that was kind of due to some magic—“

“So babies come from magic? What if a witch puts a spell on me? Will I have a baby?”

Caleb looked genuinely worried and Stiles thought the matching looks of despair on his husband’s and son’s faces were adorable and altogether hilarious, but knew he couldn’t laugh.

At least, not yet.

“Uh…no, Caleb. Dad and I are a special case. Normally, it starts with a boy and a girl.”

“Like Scarlett and James?” Caleb asked tilting his head to the side.

Derek’s face twitched and Stiles had to bite down on his hand to keep from laughing.

“Fuck, I hope not.”

“You swore.”

“I know.”

Derek sighed and straightened, seeming to regain his composure.

“Not like Scarlett and James. Much, _much_ older boys and girls. More like…”

Stiles could see him searching for a pair of people that wouldn’t completely gross either of them out, but Caleb would know.

“Like Aunt Lydia and Uncle Parrish,” he finally said with a wince.

“Okay…so how are babies made then?”

Stiles carefully watched Derek’s face, which only got redder as the seconds went by.

“Well…the man—the dad—has…”

He trailed off.

“And the mom…she has…”

Stiles almost felt sorry for Derek.

But the hilarity of the whole situation overshadowed the sympathy by far.

“Do you know how boys and girls are different?” Derek asked.

Caleb turned red and leaned forward as if he were telling the biggest secret of the universe.

“Boys have a penis and girls have a…vagina.”

Derek and Stiles both stared at Caleb for several long seconds. Caleb squirmed under their stares.

“Mr. Hansen told us in class a few weeks ago. Mrs. Carr took the girls away and told them. Hannah wouldn’t tell me what she said,” Caleb said with a small pout.

Hannah Mahealani was one of Caleb’s closest friends and they told each other everything. No doubt Caleb was a little hurt that she wouldn’t tell him about what Mrs. Carr told her.

“Did you tell her what Mr. Hansen told you?”

Caleb shook his head.

“Noooo…”

“Then it’s not really fair to expect her to tell you about what Mrs. Carr said to her, is it?” Stiles asked.

Caleb shook his head again.

“Where do babies come from?” he asked, returning to the matter at hand.

“Okay, well. Those parts…that Mr. Hansen told you about are used to make a baby.”

Caleb wrinkled his nose.

“What? How?”

Derek went on to explain, in stuttering sentences with long spaces in between some words, how mommies and daddies made little babies.

Stiles watched as horror and disgust played on his son’s face. By the time Derek was done, Caleb’s mouth was hanging wide open and his eyes were wide with what seemed to be absolute terror.

“Why would anyone do that? It sounds so…yucky.”

Derek scratched the back of his neck.

“Well, it’s supposed to feel good and—“

“Feel good? Why would that feel good? How?”

Stiles almost snorted at the expression on Derek’s face. It was about as horrified as Caleb’s.

“Never mind that. It doesn’t matter. People put up with it because they want babies.”

Stiles could see the gears turning in Caleb’s little head.

Suddenly, an even more horrified expression came to his face and he sank into the couch.

“Does that mean…you and Dad…?” he trailed off and put his hands on either side of his head. The poor thing looked like he was having a crisis.

“But Dad,” Caleb whispered, “you don’t have a vagina.”

Stiles burst out laughing at that. He just couldn’t help it and he put his head in his hands, shoulders shaking from how hard he was laughing.

When he finally stopped, he looked up to see Derek and Caleb giving him a matching set of glares.

“We told you. Papa and I are a special case. Usually, it’s only boys and girls who can make babies together.”

Caleb tilted his head.

“And the people who can’t…they adopt? Like Hannah’s dads?”

Stiles nodded.

“Can people who make babies adopt too?”

“Of course. Some people don’t like making babies or want to give other babies a nice, loving home where they can all be a family.”

Caleb heaved a big sigh of relief.

“I’m gonna do that, then. It’s not yucky.”

“Okay. How are you feeling, Caleb? Any questions?” Stiles asked.

Caleb all but jumped up off the couch.

“No, no, no. I’m good. I’m going to my room.”

He ran for the stairs, as if Stiles and Derek were going to chase him down and force more sex ed on him.

“That was the hardest, most uncomfortable conversation I’ve ever had to go through in my entire life,” Derek said, staring into space.

Stiles snorted.

“Yeah, and I helped you with it. Big deal. I had to do it for _Scarlett. Alone_. No backup. You wouldn’t have lasted two seconds trying to teach her. Though, to be fair, I think Joss might end up being the easiest.”

Derek huffed a laugh.

“After Scarlett and Caleb? Most definitely. Those two are too much like us. Jocelyn at least has a good balance.”

Just then they both heard exceptionally loud little-girl cackles and they looked at each other worriedly.

“Scarlett,” they said together, before jogging up the stairs to see how she was undoubtedly teasing either Caleb or Jocelyn.

Maybe both.

When they got to the top of the stairs, they heard the laughter clearly coming from Caleb’s room.

As they’d thought, Scarlett was the one laughing hysterically.

“Shut up!” Caleb shouted, entire face red.

“Caleb? What’s going on?” Stiles asked. Caleb crossed his arms and angrily stared at his older sister.

Scarlett eased her way out of laughing hysterically long enough to tell her parents why she sounded like a hyena.

“He…he said he was going to google ‘how do babies come out of dads’.”

Stiles stared at Scarlett.

“Scar…that’s not even that funny.”

Scarlett shook her head.

“Trust me, Daddy, it’s hilarious.”

Stiles shook his head and went to sit by Caleb. When he tried to put an arm around him, Caleb stubbornly twisted away and his little face scrunched up.

“This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t told me all that yucky stuff! How did you have any of us if you don’t have a vagina Dad!” he shouted.

Jocelyn, who apparently had been walking by the room on her way downstairs, popped her head inside curiously, forehead scrunching with confusion.

“What’s a vagina?”

Derek smacked a hand to his forehead and Scarlett opened her mouth to tell her seven year old sister, probably in explicit detail, _exactly_ what a vagina was, but Stiles cut her off with a quick ‘ah-ah’ sound that one usually used when training dogs.

“I’m not handling two in one day,” Derek muttered. Stiles gave him a look that clearly said ‘stop complaining’. Derek scowled and sat down next to him.

Scarlett pouted at having been thwarted.

“Scarlett, go and call James or something. And don’t you dare tell him anything about the birds and the bees if he doesn’t already know or so help me, I will ground you.’

Scarlett looked shocked and almost offended at the suggestion of a grounding.

“Whoa. A little dramatic, Daddy, but I won’t tell him anything.” She held up her hands as she walked out, nudging Jocelyn on her way.

Stiles shook his head and turned back to Caleb.

“Papa told you. We were a special case. It’s not important and honestly if you keep thinking about it, it’s probably going to gross you out. Let it drop, okay, kiddo?”

Caleb wrinkled his nose.

“I don’t like not knowing.”

Derek snorted and Stiles huffed a laugh as Derek _definitely_ muttered “definitely your son” under his breath.

“Neither do I, but trust me, there are some things out there that you are just better off not knowing. Like how your parents created you.”

As Caleb reluctantly allowed the subject to drop, Stiles stole a glance at the clock by his bed and noticed that it was almost nine o’clock, which was almost Caleb’s bedtime and an hour past Jocelyn’s.

Stiles turned to look at Jocelyn who was still hovering in the doorway, looking as innocent as ever, short brown hair tucked behind her ears and her arms clasped behind her back as she twisted back and forth.

“Jocelyn, what are you still doing up?”

Jocelyn shrugged her shoulders and widened her green eyes in a way all the Hale children knew made Derek melt like a popsicle and give into whatever it was they wanted.

Thankfully, Stiles was not Derek.

“Don’t give me that, Missy. Why are you awake?”

“I wanted you and Papa to tuck me in,” she said quietly, shuffling her foot.

“Don’t you lie to me, Young Lady.”

Whenever Jocelyn lied, she would look at the ground for a split second and then shift and tap her right foot on the ground like she was trying to dig through the floor with it.

Jocelyn pouted in a way that was much too similar to Scarlett to provide any kind of comfort and Stiles crossed his arms.

“You were busy talking to Caleb. I thought I could get away with it,” she grumbled, crossing her arms.

“Yeah, well, consider us Mystery Incorporated and you the unmasked villain, okay? Because it is most _definitely_ bedtime for you, kiddo.”

Jocelyn sighed and started shuffling back to her room.

Stiles shook his head. These kids were going to drive him nuts one day.

Derek said he was _already_ nuts but what did that sourwolf know? He still crumbled at the slightest hint of ‘The Pout’.

“Derek, can you get her? I’ve got Caleb and then we can track down Scarlett.”

Derek nodded and stood, pausing a second to pat Caleb’s shoulder awkwardly and tell him to have a good night’s sleep before leaving to undoubtedly tuck Jocelyn into bed.

Stiles turned to Caleb and nodded his head at the bed he was sitting on.

“Okay. PJs and bedtime. Let’s go.”

Caleb quickly changed into his little spaceship pajamas and hunkered down in his bed with minimal, low-pitched mumbling.

It was never that way with the girls. Scarlett always loudly declared that she’d rather do all the dishes in the house or something equally unpleasant than go to sleep. When threatened with actually being forced to do said thing, she quickly piped down and curled under her blankets.

Jocelyn, on the other hand, tried to cajole her way out of bedtime. “Just an hour more, Daddy” or “ _pleeeeeease Papa_ , I want to spend time with you”.

Caleb was the easiest of the bunch at least sixty percent of the time. Scarlett was the most difficult a hundred percent of the time.

It only took a few short minutes for Caleb to fall asleep and then Stiles was leaving the room, shutting the door almost all the way and looking in to see how Derek was doing with Joss.

He’d reached the end of the sweet-talk session and had successfully tucked her in. He was just leaning down to kiss her forehead and whisper ‘goodnight’ when Stiles peeked in.

Once Jocelyn’s door was nearly shut, both Stiles and Derek went down the stairs to find their oldest troublemaker.

Scarlett was sitting on the couch with Derek’s phone clutched in her hand, swinging her legs back and forth.

“Come on, Uncle Scott. Let me talk to Jamie,” she pleaded.

Stiles couldn’t hear what Scott said because hello, not a werewolf, but he figured it was something along the lines of ‘Jamie’s in bed, and you probably should be, too’.

“ _Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?”_

“Scarlett,” Derek said.

Scarlett jumped and nearly dropped the phone, but saved it just before it hit the ground. She looked between Derek’s face and Stiles’ face before sighing and talking to Scott again.

“Never mind, Uncle Scott. The Hale Sheriffs caught me.”

Stiles _did_ hear a laugh just before Scarlett hung up and tossed the phone onto the couch and stood.

“Here to take me to my prison cell, Wardens?” she asked.

Stiles rolled his eyes.

“You’re going to your room to sleep, Scar, not prison. You’re such a drama queen sometimes.”

“Wonder who she gets it from,” Derek murmured.

Stiles socked him in the arm before gesturing at Scarlett to head for the stairs. She followed the gesture, dragging her feet the whole way and loudly expressing her distaste for an enforced bedtime when she was ‘a big girl’ who could ‘wake up good in the morning, I promise’.

“Yeah, sure, and then you’ll wake up tomorrow morning promising that you’ll figure out how to build a death ray just so you never have to be woken up by force again.”

Scarlett pointed at Stiles.

“That only happened once!”

“Twice, actually,” Derek said, crossing his arms. Scarlett narrowed her eyes.

“You win _this_ round, Dads.”

Finally, she slid down under her bedsheets and allowed Stiles and Derek to kiss her and tuck her in.

They left the room and went down to the living room for a little down time before they actually went to bed.

Derek threatened to divorce Stiles if he kept teasing him about his inability to talk about ‘the birds and the bees’ with their son.

“Honestly, Derek. He’s a boy. You also happen to be male. It should’ve been simple.”

Derek scowled.

“Maybe it _would_ have been if you and Scarlett hadn’t been there, commenting the whole time.”

Stiles snorted so loudly Derek jerked his head back.

“Please. Scarlett might’ve made the situation more difficult, but the only reason you and Caleb got anywhere with that talk was because _I_ was there.”

Derek shook his head.

“Absolutely not. Caleb and I would have talked about it…eventually.”

Stiles rolled his eyes.

“If eventually meant never, then yes. You’d be correct.”

“Watch your stupid damn show and shut your mouth.”

“Why don’t you shut it for me?” Stiles said with a wiggle of his eyebrows. One of Derek’s eyebrows slid up and he smiled a little.

Stiles grinned and leaned up. Derek leaned down, but just before their lips met…Derek got up off the couch and started heading for the stairs.

“No kisses for teasing asshole husbands,” he said.

“Aw, come on!” Stiles whined.

“Have fun sleeping on the couch.”

Stiles gaped after Derek.

“No way in hell! I paid for half of that bed, I get to sleep on half of that bed!”

Stiles couldn’t see Derek’s face but he was almost certain the bastard was smiling.

“Correction: we bought it _after_ we got married. What’s yours is mine,” Derek said, wiggling his wedding ring at Stiles before jogging up the steps.

Stiles scowled and grumbled for a few seconds until Derek popped his head back down for a moment.

“Is your name Stiles or _Scarlett?_ I can’t tell with all that whining of yours.”

Stiles grabbed a pillow and threw it at his husband’s head, but all he got was a pillow nearly knocking a picture down and Derek’s laugh as he bounded back up the stairs.

Stupid Sourwolves anyway.

Stiles knew one thing for sure—there was no damn way he was sleeping on the couch.

Stiles went up to their bedroom and opened the door.

Derek had either already finished brushing his teeth and everything or had suspected Stiles would be coming up the stairs, because he was spread eagled on the bed, taking up every inch of it, and his eyes were closed.

Stiles knew he wasn’t asleep because his mouth was curved into the smallest smile Stiles had ever seen on his face.

Stiles scowled and jumped on top of him, spread eagling to mimic the position of Derek beneath him.

For a few seconds, Stiles foolishly thought he’d be able to stay there and sleep.

Then, Derek casually dumped Stiles onto the floor with one arm. Stiles nearly knocked his head into the wall and yelped when his elbow bumped the nightstand.

“Derek, what the hell?” Stiles whispered fiercely. “You’re going to wake up Scarlett.”

“Not my problem,” Derek murmured.

“The hell it isn’t. If you wake her up, then _you_ are dealing with her.”

Derek snorted.

“No I’m not. You and I both know that if she so much as suggests that the puppy eyes might be coming, that I’m going to cave and let her stay awake the rest of the night.”

Stiles swore, knowing Derek was right. Scarlett sleeping and staying asleep was more important than him sleeping in his cozy bed, which wouldn’t be all that cozy if Derek was intent on laying down like that.

Stiles grabbed one of the pillows and the comforter from the bed to take with him to the couch, scowling and grumbling the entire time.

Derek didn’t make it any easier, content to be a dead weight on top of everything. He didn’t stop Stiles from taking the pillow or comforter though, so Stiles figured that earned him a few points.

“I hope you know that you are acting like a _child_. I think Caleb is more mature than you.”

Derek snorted.

“You married this ‘child’ so what does that say about you? And as if the kids aren’t more mature than you, too.”

Stiles flung the pillow over his shoulder and held his head high.

“That is not the topic of discussion, Mr. Hale,” he said, marching himself out of the room with the blanket trailing behind him as he walked down the stairs.

He heard Derek’s laughter following him and hoped that it wouldn’t wake Scarlett.

He slapped the pillow down, refusing to pick up the one he’d thrown at Derek and threw himself down with a loud thump, and curling the blankets over him.

He was thinking of all the ways he could get Derek back for this as he fell asleep.

The next morning, he was woken by small elbows in his face.

He sat bolt upright, hair sticking up on one side, eyes nearly closed and said, “wazzuh?”

He nearly knocked Jocelyn off of him, but caught her before she could fall.

“Morning Daddy!” she exclaimed. Stiles lay back down and patted her back, calming down from the scare.

“Morning, Joss. Why are you up?”

“The bus is almost here! Duh, Dad. We made you breakfast!”

She was practically vibrating with energy.

“Thanks, Sweetpea.”

Jocelyn beamed before running off. Stiles heard distant shouting and he knew it could only be Caleb and Scar. He sighed.

He followed the smell of eggs and sat down. He barely heard the footsteps that came with a head coming to rest near his own.

“So…make up for forcing you to sleep on the couch?”

Stiles smirked, but knew he couldn’t let Derek know he was plotting.

“You’re a regular prince charming, Derek. But thanks.”

Derek kissed the side of his head and left the kitchen, presumably to break up the fighting between Scarlett and Caleb.

Stiles got a cup of coffee and sipped at it, thinking about the best way to get back at Derek. A prank might be nice, but what?

It had to be on the same level as Derek forcing him to sleep on the couch or better.

Go big or go home.

Stiles fought against a grin when Derek came back into the kitchen, two disgruntled children behind him along with Jocelyn, who bounced her way into her seat at the table.

Caleb and Scarlett kept jabbing at each other in the sides, ignoring their eggs.

“Scarlett Talia Hale. Caleb Michael Hale. If you two don’t stop poking and prodding at each other, the second you get home from school, you are going straight to your room and guess what that means for you two? Grounded,” Stiles said.

He looked at Scarlett.

“That means no James.”

Scarlett’s jaw dropped open and she looked downright offended.

He looked at Caleb.

“And no Hannah.”

Caleb paled and his jaw dropped just as low as Scarlett’s.

Restricting them from seeing their closest friends usually did the trick and, though they still grumbled and shot each other a glare every few seconds, they ate their eggs in peace.

Less than half an hour later, breakfast was finished and Stiles was ushering the kids outside to the bus stop, which was almost directly in front of the house.

James, Marnie, Lucas and Hannah were waiting out on the lawn for them.

James and Scarlett immediately stood apart from the other kids, Scarlett animatedly telling him all about her ‘night with the wardens’ while James just smiled at her like she was the only one who existed aside from him.

Stiles thought something might eventually happen there, when they grew up, but for now he was just happy Scarlett had someone to balance her out.

Lucas, Hannah’s little brother, was Jocelyn’s age and happily chattered at her, blushing so much that Stiles was almost worried about the kid. Joss simply chattered at him back, bouncing all over the place and all but shouting.

Marnie, Caleb and Hannah, who were something like the Three Musketeers, stood furthest away from the others. Caleb was blushing almost as badly as Lucas as he spoke to them with the most serious face a nine-year-old could have.

Hannah let out a loud gasp and covered her mouth with her hands, staring at Caleb with wide, horror-filled eyes.

Marnie, on the other hand, looked between her two friends as if they were the dumbest people on the planet.

Stiles tried not to listen, but it was hard not to hear.

“What do you _mean_ that’s how babies are made?” Hannah asked loudly.

Caleb nodded, but Marnie looked confused.

“You guys didn’t know?” she asked.

“You _knew?”_ Hannah and Caleb asked together, incredulously.

Marnie nodded and shrugged.

“Sure. Mama and Dad told me and James a while ago. Not separately, either. They just…said it.”

Hannah and Caleb glanced at each other.

“Why?”

“I was curious about what Mrs. Carr told us. James wasn’t paying attention last year when he got the lesson because he and Scar were waving and stuff at each other from across the hall so Mom and Dad sat us both down when James said he didn’t know.”

It was at this point that Scarlett had tuned into their conversation and therefore started cackling.

“Jamie, you didn’t know?”

James rolled his eyes and elbowed her, but Scarlett only continued to laugh.

Lucas started to laugh too and Scarlett immediately lost her smile, a shine coming into her eyes as she stood in front of James, who slid his hands into his pockets, contentedly looking on.

“Hey!” Scarlett shouted. Lucas jumped.

“No one makes fun of Jamie but me,” Scarlett all but growled.

“And me!” Marnie piped in cheerfully. Lucas gulped and shuffled his feet.

“S-sorry, James,” he said quietly.

“It’s okay. Scarlett, let’s scout for the bus,” James said, gesturing to the corner of the street, still well within Stiles’ eyesight.

Scarlett grinned and raced him to it.

Stiles shook his head at them and walked over to Lucas and Joss.

“Don’t worry about her, Lucas. Scar’s just a little…aggressive. She’s just a bit of a butthead,” Stiles said with a wink. Lucas and Jocelyn giggled, eyes forming tiny little crescents.

Stiles turned to his only son.

“And hey Caleb, Marnie, Hannah…if you guys could just…not mention what you know now about where babies come from, to the other kids…that would be great.”

The three of them looked confused.

“Why?”

“Because their mommies and daddies won’t be happy. And don’t make fun of them for not knowing about it, either.”

Caleb wrinkled his nose.

“We won’t, Daddy. We’re not like _Scarlett_ ,” Caleb said, glaring in the direction James and Scarlett had gone.

“Good. I don’t think I could _handle_ two of her,” Stiles muttered under his breath with a brief chuckle.

Marnie, Caleb and Hannah stared at him.

“Uncle Stiles, I’m not a werewolf, but I heard that,” Hannah said matter-of-factly, holding her arms behind her and swinging her tiny body from side to side.

“Not nice, Daddy,” Caleb said.

Marnie just shook her head.

Stiles threw his hands up in the air.

He couldn’t win.

“The bus is coming!” Scarlett shouted as she and James came sprinting back to the stop.

Caleb glared at Stiles and walked over to Scarlett, wincing before he wrapped his arms around her. Scarlett immediately started struggling.

“Get off of me! What are you doing?”

“I can’t. I love you so you get a hug,” Caleb said. Scarlett stopped struggling and looked at her little brother in surprise.

“I wouldn’t even care if you had a twin who was just as mean and bossy as you, because you’re my big sister and I love you.”

Scarlett scowled at the ‘mean and bossy’ bit, but reluctantly hugged him back.

“I love you too, Weirdo.”

Stiles smiled at his oldest. Well, at least his little joke meant a moment’s peace between Scar and Caleb.

“Hey! I love you guys too!” Jocelyn shouted, running and jumping on her siblings, tackling them to the ground.

Soon enough, all the other kids joined them in a big ‘puppy pile’, as Stiles liked to refer to it, on the ground.

Then the bus door swung open and Scarlett crawled out from under the pile like she was drowning and the bus was her only source of oxygen , scrambling to her feet and darting all the way to the back of the bus, much to the bewilderment of both the bus driver and the other kids.

“Wait, where’d Scar go?” Jocelyn asked from her place on the pile.

James gladly pointed out that she had run to the bus for safety.

As the kids piled onto the bus, Stiles could only pity the poor driver.

As soon as it drove off, Stiles grinned and made plans to get his revenge.

“Derek! Come down here!” he shouted, putting just enough panic into his voice that he knew would have Derek running down the stairs.

He was almost knocked down when Derek came darting outside, skidding and stumbling, dressed only in his boxers.

It was even better than he thought.

As Derek just got his bearings and looked around to see what was going on, Stiles dashed inside the house and locked the door, looking out the peephole to see Derek’s expression when he realized.

Forehead scrunch. Knob jiggle. Irritated groan. Three swift knocks on the door.

“Stiles! I made you breakfast, we’re even!”

Stiles let out a loud laugh that was horribly similar to Scarlett’s when she was getting in trouble.

“Oh no, my dear, sweet, husband! We are _not_ even! You kicked me out of bed, so you get locked outside the house!”

Stiles saw Derek’s face contort.

“In what universe is that a fair exchange, Stiles?”

“Hm, I don’t know let me think, oh yeah, how about the Universe of Stiles Hale!”

Derek swore and continued to bang on the door.

Until a cough came from behind him. Derek fully stepped around to look at where the source of the noise had come from, and Stiles was able to see through the peephole that three of the moms from their neighborhood who went on jogs every day had stopped to stare, open-mouthed at Derek in his boxers.

Stiles snickered as the silence stretched on.

“Hello, Mr. Hale,” the blonde one finally said, sticking her hip out and putting a hand on her chest, which had bene pushed out. Stiles rolled his eyes from his spot behind the door.

Derek nodded.

“Morning. Excuse me, ladies, but my _idiot husband_ locked me out of the house.”

The one with black hair bit her lip and shook her head, eyes trailing up Derek’s form the way a lion might eye up the next antelope it was going to eat.

“I would _never_ lock you out of the house.”

Stiles mock-gagged and flipped her the bird.

“Right. If you’ll excuse me.”

Derek made a break for the other side of the house, to run around and undoubtedly make it inside through the backdoor.

Running around with a bunch of werewolves had its perks, though, and Stiles had built up his speed over the years.

He ran as fast as was possible to the backdoor, tripping and nearly falling several different times, but managing to make it to the door and slap the locks into place just as Derek got there.

Stiles, who had fallen in his locking of the door, jumped to his feet and pointed at the fuming Derek, making a big show of laughing his head off.

“I’m going to get in, Stiles! One way or another!”

Stiles shook his head with a giant grin.

“Not a chance, Sourwolf! You’re not coming in until _at least_ three-thirty, when the kids get home.”

Derek’s jaw dropped open.

“Stiles!”

“Derek!”

Derek scowled, but all Stiles did was smirk and run up the stairs, before Derek could attempt to climb up the house and get in through the window, like he’d done when Stiles was still living with his dad, and before they’d officially moved in together.

It took him all of two minutes to run around and lock all the windows, but Derek naturally tried the last one he locked and Stiles only barely managed to lock it before Derek reached up to open it.

Stiles beamed at his husband again.

Derek scowled some more.

“Stiles! Come on! At least give me some pants!”

“Nope!” Stiles shouted, sitting down and leaning back in the chair that was set beside the window, putting his hands behind his head and stretching out.

“I will _break_ this window!”

“No way! You break it, you fix it, Tough Guy!”

Derek growled.

“When I get in there, Stiles, I am going to _kill_ you.”

Stiles rolled his eyes and waved his hand.

“You’ve been saying that for years, Derek. It has practically the same meaning as ‘I love you’, now.”

Derek looked downright murderous.

Stiles couldn’t have cared less if he tried.

“Stiles…let me in…” Derek said, dropping the glare and the scowl and staring at Stiles as if he could make him open the window by sheer will alone.

“What’s in it for me?” Stiles asked.

“I won’t kill you.”

Stiles laughed.

“Nice try. What else you got?”

Derek was silent for a few seconds, but then he smirked in that way he knew Stiles loved and Stiles was immediately on his guard.

“I can make it worth your while,” Derek said, eyes roving over Stiles’ body like the soccer mom’s had been searching Derek…but way, _way_ better.

Stiles leaned close to the window.

“As sexy as you are, Derek, I’m not letting you in.”

Derek swore and pounded the glass.

Stiles laughed again and leaned back.

“Go big or go home, Derek!”

Derek grumbled about all the ways he was going to kill Stiles when he got back in the house, but Stiles didn’t care.

He had gotten his revenge.

 

**Author's Note:**

> And that's all I wrote!
> 
> For now, anyway, haha.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed and that you have a lovely day!


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